Fucking TikTok… (Cont.)

Well, allow to pick up where I left off. I’m going to use the same disclaimer here that I did on my last post. Amy and I did what a lot of people do, dove head first into all of this without having the knowledge of how it all works or what it’s all about. I made mistakes and I’m going to share them on this blog. I’m not excusing my actions, but I think it’s important to keep in mind that I always tried to learn from my missteps and allow them to make me a better Dom to Amy. What follows is an accounting of our first power exchange bedroom encounter. Spoiler alert, it went incredibly well, but that was just luck. At the end of the day we hadn’t negotiated any of it, and being as this was our first time, I had no way of intuiting what was truly in or out of bounds for my submissive. That all being said, here is how that first night, the night that changed our marriage forever, unfolded.

I stood in the doorway for a moment and looked at her lying there in the dark, the covers pulled up to her chin. I could tell that amidst all the sexual tensionin built up between us that she was nervous. I only hoped she couldn’t sense that I was too. I climbed into bed beside her and lowered the comforter and began caressing her body. We slowly worked our way to sitting upright just as my left hand found it’s way to her pussy. We had needed to use lubricant for years, I could feel that would not be necessary tonight. With my free hand I grabbed hold of her hair and pulled her ear toward my lips. “You want me to be in charge? You want to do as I say?” I growled, not recognizing my own voice. She didn’t tense up, she didn’t try to get away. She melted into me. “Yes”, she moaned. I released her hair and gave her a light slap to the face. “I told you to put this hair up.” There was that voice again. As I slapped her with my right hand my left hand was greeted by a tsunami down below. This was working, she was into it. She dutifully reached over to the night stand, retrieved a hair tie, and put her hair up in a messy bun. The way that I liked it, but that she rarely wore it.

“Good girl.” I told her, “Now walk to the dresser and bring me a bandanna from the top drawer.” I knew that this was a big ask. The dresser was across the room and Amy was very uncomfortable with being seen naked, even in the dark. She had no reason to be so hung about her body, she looked great, but she was uncomfortable about it nonetheless. She did it though, without hesitation. I couldn’t believe it. As she closed the dresser drawer I rose from the bed and blocked her return to it. “You are such a sexy little slut.” I told her, wanting her to know that I thought she looked good. I took the bandanna from her and began folding it into an impromptu blindfold. “Now kneel.” I instructed her. She didn’t skip a beat. Here was my ordinarily bodily self conscious, sexually uptight wife kneeling naked in front of me.

I ran the back of my hand down her cheek and carefully arranged her hair then blindfolded her. I grabbed hold of the messy bun she had just made and told her, “You’re going to suck my cock now, and I think you should thank me for letting you do it.” I didn’t know, still don’t actually, where those words came from. I was shocked that the phrase had come out of me. I was even more shocked when she thanked me and wrapped her mouth around me. Blowjobs grew on trees when we were dating a decade ago. They were bountiful. However, Amy had officially given up the practice on our wedding night, two years into our relationship. Heaven, it felt like absolute heaven to be in her warm, wet mouth again after so long. Looking down at her it was hard to believe that this was my wife.

I had a problem here, I had no idea what to do next, I was just amazed I had gotten this far. It was like losing my virginity for a second time. After she had sucked me for a few minutes I tugged up on her hair with one hand, grabbed her arm with the other and slowly got her to her feet. “You are not move from this spot. Do you understand, my good little slut?” “Yes.” She responded, still blindfolded and whispering toward the direction my voice had come from. I was glad I had blindfolded her. This way she could not see me make a naked mad dash toward our closet, frantically searching for something to tie her up with. I emerged a moment later with two neck ties, Amy’s little purple vibrator, and the realization that I would have to plan better next time. I hoped desperately that there would be a next time.

I dragged the ties across her chest and she shivered ever so slightly. That little shiver was so incredibly hot. I took her hands, crossed them in front of her, and bound them together. I gave her a deep kiss while I massaged her dripping nether region and then I tossed her backwards onto the bed. With her feet still on the floor and her back laid out on the bed I dropped to my knees and returned the oral attention. She began going wild, I grabbed hold of her tied hands and told her she was not to move and not to cum without permission. As I returned to the act at hand I could feel her tensing and straining to not move. I was really getting off on the effort she was putting in to be obedient. After a few minutes she couldn’t control herself anymore. Her ass starting lifting up off the bed and she began moaning intensely. I still had control of her hands with my left hand, I lifted my right hand high and came down with it on her inner thigh. It made the most incredible sound, and so did she. I lifted my hand again and came down on the other thigh. She writhed a little, I didn’t know if it was from pleasure or pain, and I don’t think she did either.

I am a self confessed ass man. I love tits, don’t get me wrong, tits are super. I love legs, especially thick thighs. Eyes, hair, hips, lips, hell even earlobes, everything that comprises a woman, super sexy. Boy, do I love an ass though. For years Amy wondered how it was that she could bend over to pick something up and I could sense it from across the house and be there in milliseconds to give her ass a little love tap. I wanted this next part badly, I desperately wanted to spank her. Not a few awkward wristed swats mid- doggy style. I wanted to spank her for real, for no other reason than the act itself. Not playfully, not incorporated into something else. I sat on the bed and hesitated before I was able to get the words out. “I want you to lay across my lap now. You’re going to get spanked you good little slut.” She hesitated for only a second and then carefully started feeling her way toward me. I placed my hands under her armpits and slowly helped guide her into position. Looking down at her splayed out across me, giving herself over to me, I finally started to grasp what this was all about. What the meaning was to this desire that had been caged in me for so long. She had given me all of her power. I didn’t take it, and she could take it back with her safe word, but for right now she was letting me hold on to it. The abstract understanding I held of Dominance and submission got a whole lot clearer in that moment.

She was tense. I began caressing her head and rubbing her back and she began to melt again. I moved slowly down her back with both hands and began massaging her ass with one of them and with the other reached down and stroked her pussy before sliding two fingers into it. She began to moan and her breathing grew incredibly heavy. “Do you remember your words?” I asked her. “Yes.” She managed to breathe out. “Good girl.” I said, as I removed my hand from inside of her and brought it down on top of her beautiful backside. (Our marriage is over now but I still cannot deny that Amy has a great butt.). I started out slowly with mild smacks interspersed with deep rubs. “Holy shit!” I thought to myself, she wasn’t stopping me. I would spank, she would tense, I would rub, she would relax, it kept building. I ramped up the intensity over time, the hits got harder and the tempo increased, the rubbing in between hits ceased. Her legs and her ass began to subtly twitch and shake. This is the moment I learned that I am a sadist, we’ll be talking about that fact more on a later date. Each subtle little twitch made me harder than I had ever been before. “Yellow!” She had taken more than I would have ever guessed she would.

I took her by the arms and threw her onto her back. I grabbed the vibrator and began working her clit with it with one hand as I slapped her tits around with the other. I had never heard the term “impact play” before but it was apparent that it was my thing. Her back began to arch and her chest was heaving up and down. “Don’t you fucking cum.” I growled at her, as I let go of the vibrator and grasped her nipples with both hands giving them a good tug. She gasped and I climbed on top of her and plunged into her. It had been over an hour since I had come home and this was the first time I penetrated her with my dick. She ate me up, I had never felt her so ready to take me in. I fumbled around searching for the vibrator, I set it on its highest speed and wedged it between us. I took her still tied hands and raised them over head, pinning them to the headboard. Then I laid into her in a way I never had before. I fucked her haaaard. Two things surprised me, the first was how into this she was. The second was the control I seemed to have over myself all of a sudden. I had never been known for sexual endurance but for some reason I felt like I had complete power over if and when I came. In my head I was telling myself “keep going, she can take it.”

I loved Amy, we had “made love” to one another for ten years. This wasn’t about love. This was about power, control, and free use. We had done a lot for each other over the years but with the exception of making me a father this was the greatest gift she had ever given me. She gave herself up to me to use and to satisfy my needs, and we were both loving it. Amy could never get out of her own head. I had never seen her give in to the moment when we had sex but she was lost in it now. I kept hammering away and she was moaning like I’d never heard and thrashing around like a rag doll. After a while I let go of her hands and wrapped my hand around her throat. “Good girl, now you can cum.” She did, we both did, more intensely than we ever had before. I know that it was the greatest orgasm of my life. Amy and I had been with other people before we met so I can’t say that was the hardest she ever came, but it was the hardest she did with me.

I got off of her and struggled to untie her, my hands were shaking. I collapsed next to her, trying to catch my breath. I glanced over and noticed she was still wearing the blindfold. I carefully pulled it down and pulled her over onto my chest. We stayed like that for at least the next thirty minutes. I held her and ran my fingers through her hair. I rubbed her back and kissed her head. We didn’t speak, the only sound to be heard was our panting for air. I felt a lot of things all at once. I felt fulfilled in a way that I never had before. I felt more powerful and confident as a man than I ever had. Yet a small piece of me though felt like a depraved monster. I kissed Amy and uttered the last words either of us would speak that night. “Good girl.”

After all of this things change in my story. At first for the good but then as promised, a fiery crash. Like a plane crash involving your favorite band and there are no survivors, that level of crash. For the next little while I’m not going to regale you with steamy play by plays. In my next installment I’m going to explain why my marriage was already on the rocks and why I should have been suspicious of this new leaf that Amy had seemed to turn over. Still though, it’s been over a year since the night I just recounted for you and it still lives more clearly in my mind than almost any other experience I’ve had. Not all of our marriage is quite so clear.

Well that happened fast…

We were so goddamned normal. Maybe that was the problem. Amy and I had been together for ten years, married for eight of them. I worked long hours so she could stay home with the kids, three of them, our youngest just a baby. The loft in the city had long ago been traded in for the little house in the suburbs. It sounds so cliche that you might assume I’m making all of this up. I’m not. From the outside it all appeared to be a twenty first century nod to Norman Rockwell. Beneath the surface though there were problems, tension, and hurt.

I can pick apart the last year of my life and examine the pieces and see some things clearly. Tiny images, clues almost, they are like clips pulled from full length scenes that when compiled should comprise a finished film, but they don’t. When viewed as a whole everything is blurry. Like the scrambled Spice Channel of my youth I keep looking, waiting anxiously for that brief few seconds of picture clarity.

This is all going to heat up and get juicy shortly. I assure you. You need to stick with me for a little while though. If you don’t first have a grasp on our life as it was and how it came to be, you won’t appreciate the introduction of the 24/7 Dom and sub relationship that materialized almost over night. The rules, the contract, the collars, the spankings, the clamps, orgasm control and denial, all of it… we both thought they saved our marriage. Only one of us now thinks they are the reason it ended.

The pace at which I tell the story of my journey into BDSM will be slower than the pace at which the events themselves unfolded. This is not because I enjoy building suspense (I certainly do though), it’s because at the end of the day I’m still trying to figure out for myself just what the hell happened. Lust, romance, control and devotion crashed head on into a freight train loaded to the brim with mistrust, misunderstanding, manipulation, and possibly abuse. It all comes from both sides and in most cases not the one you’d assume. This is the place I am going to come to in order to pick through the wreckage. You are welcome to watch. Everyone loves a train wreck.