We were so goddamned normal. Maybe that was the problem. Amy and I had been together for ten years, married for eight of them. I worked long hours so she could stay home with the kids, three of them, our youngest just a baby. The loft in the city had long ago been traded in for the little house in the suburbs. It sounds so cliche that you might assume I’m making all of this up. I’m not. From the outside it all appeared to be a twenty first century nod to Norman Rockwell. Beneath the surface though there were problems, tension, and hurt.

I can pick apart the last year of my life and examine the pieces and see some things clearly. Tiny images, clues almost, they are like clips pulled from full length scenes that when compiled should comprise a finished film, but they don’t. When viewed as a whole everything is blurry. Like the scrambled Spice Channel of my youth I keep looking, waiting anxiously for that brief few seconds of picture clarity.

This is all going to heat up and get juicy shortly. I assure you. You need to stick with me for a little while though. If you don’t first have a grasp on our life as it was and how it came to be, you won’t appreciate the introduction of the 24/7 Dom and sub relationship that materialized almost over night. The rules, the contract, the collars, the spankings, the clamps, orgasm control and denial, all of it… we both thought they saved our marriage. Only one of us now thinks they are the reason it ended.

The pace at which I tell the story of my journey into BDSM will be slower than the pace at which the events themselves unfolded. This is not because I enjoy building suspense (I certainly do though), it’s because at the end of the day I’m still trying to figure out for myself just what the hell happened. Lust, romance, control and devotion crashed head on into a freight train loaded to the brim with mistrust, misunderstanding, manipulation, and possibly abuse. It all comes from both sides and in most cases not the one you’d assume. This is the place I am going to come to in order to pick through the wreckage. You are welcome to watch. Everyone loves a train wreck.

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